On the tenth day of Christmas My True Love gave to me...
I almost put a restraining order on my ex. My new detective friend suggested it. Curiosity overcame good sense. Besides, would it have really worked?
On the tenth day of Christmas My True Love gave to me
Ten lords a leaping...
He outdid himself on this one. Every year, since I was a child, my mother takes me to see the Nutcracker. She loves ballet. I love the men in tights. My ex arranged a little entre-action with the male chorus leaping about the stage before opening a banner saying "Marry me."
Next, a couple of toy soldiers escort my ex to our box and the spotlights turn on my delighted mother and a mortified me as an oversized ring box is presented to me. This would have been very romantic if my ex weren't a Grade A fruitcake.
"Give the guy a break," one of the soldiers whispered.
"You do realize that this is the guy who tried to make seven dancers in the swan chorus swim in an icy pond."
The painted spots of colour on the soldiers' cheeks faded into their angry flushes. My ex discovered what I knew since childhood. Dancers are solid muscle. Soon my ex was leaping to make his gettaway.